Metal vs Angels
by A Girl Named Max
Summary: It's a known fact that angels HATE metal music. Can the combined casts of Brutal Legend and Bayonetta save it before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Metal -vs- Angels

"What…ARE those things?" Eddie asked Mangus. The two men stood on a snowy hill overlooking the mountain town of Death's Clutch. Below them a vicious battle raged-the reason Eddie had been summoned to the frigid north.

"Beats me, bu tthey're MEAN. All we know about 'em is they speak some weird language, they have big blades on sticks, most of them have wings, and they jREALLY don't like us. Did I mention they're mean?"

"Yeah, you did. I'd beter get going."

Eddie jumped into his trusty Druid Plow and sped off toward the battle. He ran over several of the winged creature, then spotted a large creature that seemed to be important. He hurtled toward it, then slammed on the brakes while leaing out of his car, drawing his axed, the Separator, in midp-iair, nad burring it in the large winged humanoid, splitting in tow. This action caused the smaller creatures to turn and face him and advance, screeching furiously. They leapt at eEddie, but were almost immediately blasted out of the air by lightning-like beams of energy. The source of the energy was a very tall, lanky man with long hair, a black robe, jewelry, and round sunglasses. This was Ozwald Skul, the Guardian of Metal.

"Thanks Ozzy," Eddie said.

"D'you have any clue what these things are? I mjean besides evil…bird…people?" the Guradian akdked, nudging a creature with his steelptoed boot to make sure it was dead. He spoke with a very thick English accent to match his Ozzy Osbourne-like appearance.

"I've never seen these things vefor in my life. Sorry Wait…Is tha?..."

Eddie took a closer look at the bird-man, specivcically the ring of light above it's head.

"Holy *bleed*…that's a halo…"

:Aaaaaaand you lost me," the Guardian said.

"Ozzy, do you have any idea shat an angel is?"

"A bit, yeah."

"Halos are what angels have over their heads to show they're angesl. I just never thought angels would be thei freaky-looking."

The sutunned silence was interrupted by a massive golden portal opening.

"Oh, THAT can't be good" the Guardian said. He was right.

Dozens of angels poured out, including three doglike creayturs, two read and one blue, nad a pair of creatures with massive claws that appeared to represent fire and lightning.

But before the angels could attacxk, another portal opened, and out stepped a tall woman in a black catsuit. The angels seemed shocked to see her. The looked at each other, then at ther, then procxeeded to attack. The woman looked to Ededie and the Guardian.

"Are you two in charge here?" she asked.

"Uh…I guess so," said the Guradian.

"Good. Follow me. Whe have to kill Grace and Glory first."

"What and what?"

:Grace and Glory. Tohse two angels there with the claws. Let's go!"

The woman drew her guns and dashed at the angels, firing as she ran.

The Guardina shrugged and ran in as well, Eddis close behind him.

The lightning angels, Glory, darted toward the woman, swinging its claws. The woman dodged, then vanished. Glory then screeched in pain, and the woman reappeared.

"You take the Grace!" she shouted.

The Guardian dashed at the fiery angel, knocking it to the ground with a flying kicxk and blasting it in the fadce with a beam of energy. Eddie then chopped off its head as it lay there twitching.

The woman finshed ofdf Glory, then made a dash for the enormous dog-creatures.

The first of the creatures spat a fireball at her, which she dodged. As soon as she dodged it, she vanished, reappearing bhind it. As it looked around wildly, a portal opened bhind it, and a gargantuan hand reached out and grabbed the creature, throwing it into the side of the mountain, snapping its neck. The other fire creature spat a fireball at the Guardian, hitting him squarely in the chest. To the surprise of the worman and the angels, he was unaffected. Confused, the creature spat another fireball at him, which he caught and threw into a group of smaller angels. Frustrated that fire wasn't working, it charged him. The Guardian leapt over it, and onto its back, where he blasted its lteel head with energy, giving the Razor Girls, the Ironheade factions, ranged fighters, time to shoot it until it was finally dead.

Eddie then busied himself with the blue dog-creature. It opened its mouth and began charging an attack, but Eddie was prepared. He whipped out his Flying V guitar, Clementine, and bvegan to play, countering the creature's beam with a beam of his own. Apparently, the creayture couldn't blast as long as Eddie could ploay, and eddie's beam blasted the creature int ehface, shattering its facial armor and exposing its head, which was promptly removed. The other angels were quickly finished off, and soon angel corpses were everywhere.

"Wow," said Mangus.

"And by the way," said the woman, "my name is Bayonetta."


	2. Chapter 2

"Uh…hi. Eddie Riggs. That's Mangus Scott, and this is the Guardian of Metal."

"Ozwald Skul," said the Guardian .

Mangus spoke up.

"So, uh, what were those freaky things?"

"Angels," said Bayonetta, "Fom the Hierarchy of Laguna. This world doesn't exactly seem like the kind of place angels would gather many followers. And for them, that leaves only one other reason for coming here. War."

"Oh, GOD. Not more war…" said the Guardian. "I just got used to not having to fight crazed religious idiots and what happens? MORE CRAZED RELIGIOUS IDIOTS COME! ...I need a vacation…"

"This has happened before?" Baynetta said, surprised.

"Same concept, different idiots," the Guardian explained, "They called themselves Demonslayers, and they were nasty little *BLEEP*s.

"So you've had some experience fighting off threats from outside your world,. Good. You're going to need it. They'll come back with more angels, and try to wipe you out."

"How nice of the," Eddie said sarcastically.

"Why?" asked Mangus. "What did we ever do to them?"

"Probably the same reason the Demonslayers attacked. They think we're devil-worshippers."

"Oh, and you might want to pick up those halos," Bayonetta said. " You'll need them to properly arm yourselves."

"We're going to arm ourselves with halos?" said Eddie.

"Not the halos themselves. What you can buy with them. Angels' halos are currency in the world of Inferno…and certain other places, if you know where to look."

"And I take it you know where to look?"

"Of course. And I also where to get allies. Not everyone likes angels, you know. I happen to have a friend that has connections in Inferno. He made these," she said, holding up two of her four guns.

"Then let's go see him! The sooner we get rid of the angel problem the better."

Bayonetta summoned a circle of blood-red light on the ground.

"Just step on the portal, and we'll go see him."

Eddie, the Guardian, and Mangus stepped onto the portal with Bayonetta. There was a brief sensation of being sucked down a twisting tube at high speed, and they emerged in a grimy alleyway. At the other end of the alley was a street, and across that street was what appeared to be a bar.

"There," said Baynetta, "That's where we can find him." They proceeded towards the bar, which gave off an ominous aura for some reason. They opened the door, which was emblazoned with the name 'The Gates of hell.' When they entered the bar, nearly all of the unsavory-looking people hanging around turned to look at them, but Bayonetta led them to the man behind the bar. He was intimidating, to say the least. He wore a black shirt with a burnt orange-colored long coat mad of some sort of scaly skin, a bracelet on each writs, one gold and one silver, and his ears were pierced in several places. He was bale, his lack of hair showing cranial tattoos snaking across his dark skin.

"I take it your little angel-hunting trip went well. Who'd you bring back?" said the man. His voice was very deep, almost sinister.

"Rodin, meet Eddie, Mangus, and Ozwald. Eddie, Mangus, , and Ozwald, meet Rodin."

"Rodin Mephisto," he said, shaking Eddie's hand.

"These three are here to prepare their world for an angel invasion."

"Heh. You came to the right man."

"Hey, Bayonetta!" said a voice, "Who are these guys?"

The voice belonged to a short, fat man sitting next to them. Sitting next to him was a woman wearing a red fur-trimmed coat.

"Enzo, these are my allies from my latest angel-hunting expedition. These are Eddie, Mangus and Ozwald."

"Where the *BLEEP* did you go that you found these guys?"

"I know this is a bit over your head, Enzo, bur these gentlemen are from another dimension."

"And you went to this…other dimension. And met these guys."

Enzo's tone suggested he didn't believe her.

"Exactly."

"Well, it looks like you brought back two bikers and the high priest of some demonic cult to me."

"Don't be an *BLEEP* hole, Enzo," said Rodin.

"So what did you find out about the angels' next move?" said the woman in the red coat.

"The angels are going to attack our world, apparently, " said the Guardian. "And we came here so we could get help."

"The angels won't hold back," said Bayonetta, "and that's all we know."

"Do you think you could arm my world in time?" asked the Guardian.

"No. I might be able to make weapons for a few people, but not enough for an army. But I DO know a few friends down in Inferno that could help. Problem is, we'll need halos. Lots of halos. Gotta pay 'em somehow."

"Then what are we waiting for ? Let's go kill some angels!" Eddie said.

"Won't be that easy," said Rodin, "The angels won't let us take our time. We gotta work fast. Take out Paradiso's high rollers. They're worth more halos, but they're powerful. But, we don't have time to hunt the small ones. It's what we gotta do."

"Jeanne? Will you come with us?" Bayonetta asked.

"You really think I would turn down a chance to go angel-hunting?" the woman in the red coat replied.

Bayonetta smiled.

"Not at all."

Meanwhile, somewhere in Paradiso…

"What do you mean they never returned?"

"The angels you sent to the sin-stained world of Metal Earth never returned, Father Ariel," said the Enchant.

The wheel-shaped angel stood before a set of three thrones, each containing a golden-robed figure.

"What happened?" asked another of the figures.

"I know not, Tather Haniel. They may have been hkilled by the denizens of that world."

"Prepare the Joys. Tell them to use their powers of shapeshifting to get the scum from Metal Earth to tell them what happened," said the third figure.

"Yes, Father Camael. I shall go at once." The Enchant rolled off, and the three looked at one another.

"If the savages of Metal Earth were able to kill them…this might be the world we had hoped for," said Camael.

"We told them to avoid major settlements. If a minor settlement could kill them…you may be right." Haniel agreed.

"Them the great Father Balder will not have died in vain!" said Ariel. "Jubileus, Queen of Angels shall rise again!"


End file.
